It has been a while since I last blogged. Since the beginning of the New Year I took a temporary transfer within my job which lasted until the beginning of July. From July until now, I have been on holidays and enjoying being a stay at home mom. In 10 days my holidays will be over and I will be back to work at my regular position.
The job transfer was an amazing experience. My position involved many different elements including the writing of numerous documents. I worked 24/7 and 16 to 20 hour days for the latter part of the assignment. It was high pressure and gave me a perspective into myself which I would have never seen. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to be involved in a once-in-a-lifetime event.
The job transfer was an amazing experience. My position involved many different elements including the writing of numerous documents. I worked 24/7 and 16 to 20 hour days for the latter part of the assignment. It was high pressure and gave me a perspective into myself which I would have never seen. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to be involved in a once-in-a-lifetime event.
The downside to working such an assignment was the time taken away from my daughter. Even when I was present, I was not. Sure I still managed to do my domestic duties like dinner and laundry and help with homework but the garden got neglected, housekeeping was not a priority and spending time with my daughter was deferred to my mom when I had to go out of town. I would come home, laptop in tow, and plug in again within moments in the door. My daughter understood as much as a 10 year old could but when I have been the only parental figure for the past few years the void was difficult. Swearing I would make it up to her, I took five weeks holidays this summer just to hang with her.
We haven't done much of anything really but that is okay. We are together and that is all she wants. Lucky me. Considering the weather we have been blessed with this summer, having a staycation is perfect. This week though my daughter has become a permanent fixture in a chair we have named "Big Red" recuperating from tonsil surgery. Family Channel has pretty much been on all day with a two hour break yesterday so we could watch the So You Think You Can Dance finale. Today, while my daughter sits in silence saving her voice to avoid pain, I thought I would take the opportunity to blog. (I'm secretly hoping this will rid my brain of the song "It's On" from Camp Rock 2 which has been looping in my head since last night.)
Today, I think I will share with you a couple of funny moments I have had with my daughter on our time off together over the past few weeks. She has a great sense of humour whether she knows it or not.
Farting
I know, not the best of topics but many a laugh has been generated from that of a fart. Throughout my years my view of this natural bodily function has changed. When I was a young girl, I thought it was funny. I remember my dad having quite loud and lengthy farts. My dad would make faces and laugh. My mom would shake her head or "Oh Alec" in disgust. When boys entered my life, farting is something you absolutely did not do. You squeezed your butt cheeks together as best you could and should there be an escape of any kind you would walk swiftly across to the other side of the room in hopes any odour would dissipate en route. Boys, on the other hand, enjoyed pointing fingers at others when it was them that "dropped the bomb". Somehow it was okay for them and enjoyed competitions for loudness and length. (Who knew there could be such a double standard on farting?) When I was involved in serious relationships it seemed farting was allowed but only in private, again, unless you were a guy. Motherhood, however, has brought it back full circle where I am finding it funny again. Kids have a way of doing that with their innocence but what I heard next from my daughter seemed way beyond her years or mine for that matter.
My daughter and I are as close as I could ever hope to be. I am open and honest with her and when a question is asked, I answer quite matter of fact. Regardless of the question, I try not to act shocked although I have sometimes felt like a premature hot flash was coming over me. I'm not sure if this is the best approach. It is the first time I've been a mother after all but it seems to be working for us so far.
A few weeks ago we were both in the kitchen. I was sitting at the counter enjoying a cup of java and my daughter was washing breakfast dishes in the sink across from me. Very nonchalantly she shares with me the other day she had a fart from her vagina. Good Lord. Trying to stop the coffee from squirting out my nose, I simply said "Is that right?". "Ya" she says and continues on to explain how she was a little surprised at first but she knew right away that it came from her vagina and not from her butt because there was no smell. I wanted to fall off my chair laughing but thought I'd just keep the dialogue going and asked her what she was doing for her to experience this (afraid of the answer as my brain had visions of pole dancers and ping pong balls). She told me she was at gymnastics and doing leg lift stretches. When she would raise her leg her vagina would fart. I said I could understand how that would happen which then begged the question from her "how?" and with that, I explained kegel exercises to my 10 year old.
After this discussion, we decided to rename the Vagina Fart and have elected to call them Varts for short. It isn't yet in Webster's but feel free to use it should the opportunity present itself.
Beach Bum
My parents live in Wasaga Beach. Wasaga Beach has a large fresh water beach that extends for miles and miles. Rumour has it that it is the largest fresh water beach in Canada if not the world. The water is warm and shallow because of sand bar after sand bar. The sand itself is perfect for castles and burying playmates. The beach front is divided into areas suitable for families or partyers. The area is clean. The shops are plentiful and there is always someone strutting around in a Speedo to laugh at.
Ever since my daughter was a year old, I have pictures of her sitting in the sand. It never grows old for her. She will get herself wet then run out of the water and sit in the sand. She loads up the sand on her thighs, knees and calves. She will continue up her torso and if she has help will get all muddied up to her neck. Sometimes she will dig a hole waist deep to jump into and fill it back in until it requires a constant rocking back and forth to escape or the sympathy of a playmate to dislodge.
Last week I took my daughter and her friend to the beach. We chose to go to the quieter family beach to get away from the crowds and where we could get more than just a beach towel size piece of sand to sit at. Some days the water is calm but on others the wind comes in from across the lake causing a tide effect where waves crash into the sand bars as they roll into shore. On this day the wind was up and the waves were abundant. My mom and I set up our spot, reclined in the lawn chairs and got ready to bask in the sun. The girls stripped out of their shorts and T's revealing their bathing suits then raced into the water shrieking as the waves hit them upon their entry. Such a great sound.
About an hour or so of jumping and diving into the waves, the girls came in for a snack and another spray of sunscreen. Like every year in the past, my daughter sat in the sand and started burying herself. Her girlfriend showed a bit of reluctance in joining in at first worried that the sand would ruin her new bikini. Within a few minutes the sand beckoned to her and she plopped down and began covering her legs as well.
This year, however, had a new flavour. My mom and I were engaged in conversation about this and that. My daughter started laughing rather mischievously which made me turn to see what she was up to. My daughter, instead of putting sand onto her body decided to stuff it down the front of her bikini bottoms. Not only was she stuffing the sand, she was packing it and molding it into the shape of a well-endowed male while stating "How can they even sit with one of these things?". When she stood, the sand that had stuck to her abdomen from the sunscreen gave the illusion she had six-pack abs. To further the visual, her bottoms were white and black zebra stripes so with the new packaging, from the top down she looked like a cheesy porn star. (I took full advantage of the moment and as she stood, posing from the side, pointing at her junk, I decided to be the best mom ever and grabbed my camera and snapped a quick photo.)
As quick as the moment came, it was gone when she declared she had sand in her vagina and headed back into the water to rid herself of her manliness. My mom and I watched the girls jump and dive once again and just when I thought she was finished with her comedy routine, she stood waist deep in the water and swung her bottoms over her head wootwooting. The bottoms then became a bathing cap and she did the dolphin dive into the waves to moon us. A true Beach Bum.
I am blessed. What a child. I can hardly wait for the next thing.
My daughter and I are as close as I could ever hope to be. I am open and honest with her and when a question is asked, I answer quite matter of fact. Regardless of the question, I try not to act shocked although I have sometimes felt like a premature hot flash was coming over me. I'm not sure if this is the best approach. It is the first time I've been a mother after all but it seems to be working for us so far.
A few weeks ago we were both in the kitchen. I was sitting at the counter enjoying a cup of java and my daughter was washing breakfast dishes in the sink across from me. Very nonchalantly she shares with me the other day she had a fart from her vagina. Good Lord. Trying to stop the coffee from squirting out my nose, I simply said "Is that right?". "Ya" she says and continues on to explain how she was a little surprised at first but she knew right away that it came from her vagina and not from her butt because there was no smell. I wanted to fall off my chair laughing but thought I'd just keep the dialogue going and asked her what she was doing for her to experience this (afraid of the answer as my brain had visions of pole dancers and ping pong balls). She told me she was at gymnastics and doing leg lift stretches. When she would raise her leg her vagina would fart. I said I could understand how that would happen which then begged the question from her "how?" and with that, I explained kegel exercises to my 10 year old.
After this discussion, we decided to rename the Vagina Fart and have elected to call them Varts for short. It isn't yet in Webster's but feel free to use it should the opportunity present itself.
Beach Bum
My parents live in Wasaga Beach. Wasaga Beach has a large fresh water beach that extends for miles and miles. Rumour has it that it is the largest fresh water beach in Canada if not the world. The water is warm and shallow because of sand bar after sand bar. The sand itself is perfect for castles and burying playmates. The beach front is divided into areas suitable for families or partyers. The area is clean. The shops are plentiful and there is always someone strutting around in a Speedo to laugh at.
Ever since my daughter was a year old, I have pictures of her sitting in the sand. It never grows old for her. She will get herself wet then run out of the water and sit in the sand. She loads up the sand on her thighs, knees and calves. She will continue up her torso and if she has help will get all muddied up to her neck. Sometimes she will dig a hole waist deep to jump into and fill it back in until it requires a constant rocking back and forth to escape or the sympathy of a playmate to dislodge.
Last week I took my daughter and her friend to the beach. We chose to go to the quieter family beach to get away from the crowds and where we could get more than just a beach towel size piece of sand to sit at. Some days the water is calm but on others the wind comes in from across the lake causing a tide effect where waves crash into the sand bars as they roll into shore. On this day the wind was up and the waves were abundant. My mom and I set up our spot, reclined in the lawn chairs and got ready to bask in the sun. The girls stripped out of their shorts and T's revealing their bathing suits then raced into the water shrieking as the waves hit them upon their entry. Such a great sound.
About an hour or so of jumping and diving into the waves, the girls came in for a snack and another spray of sunscreen. Like every year in the past, my daughter sat in the sand and started burying herself. Her girlfriend showed a bit of reluctance in joining in at first worried that the sand would ruin her new bikini. Within a few minutes the sand beckoned to her and she plopped down and began covering her legs as well.
This year, however, had a new flavour. My mom and I were engaged in conversation about this and that. My daughter started laughing rather mischievously which made me turn to see what she was up to. My daughter, instead of putting sand onto her body decided to stuff it down the front of her bikini bottoms. Not only was she stuffing the sand, she was packing it and molding it into the shape of a well-endowed male while stating "How can they even sit with one of these things?". When she stood, the sand that had stuck to her abdomen from the sunscreen gave the illusion she had six-pack abs. To further the visual, her bottoms were white and black zebra stripes so with the new packaging, from the top down she looked like a cheesy porn star. (I took full advantage of the moment and as she stood, posing from the side, pointing at her junk, I decided to be the best mom ever and grabbed my camera and snapped a quick photo.)
As quick as the moment came, it was gone when she declared she had sand in her vagina and headed back into the water to rid herself of her manliness. My mom and I watched the girls jump and dive once again and just when I thought she was finished with her comedy routine, she stood waist deep in the water and swung her bottoms over her head wootwooting. The bottoms then became a bathing cap and she did the dolphin dive into the waves to moon us. A true Beach Bum.
I am blessed. What a child. I can hardly wait for the next thing.
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