From Watch to Crotch!

Despite being told a gazillion times as a kid, not to talk to strangers, we cannot help ourselves. Perhaps it is not quite the look that makes a person strange, but actually what comes out of their mouths. If this is the case, I need to wear a warning button that says "I'm a Stranger". Knowing me, it would be some type of homing beacon and instead of stopping persons from talking to me, it would do the opposite. I may just conduct some type of experiment though and see what happens!

So about a year and a bit ago I took a journey to Vegas by myself. But Vegas is not where this story is heading because we all know "What happens in Vegas...Stays in Vegas". It was actually the return trip that landed me this experience, featuring me - The Stranger.

On my flight back, I had to get a connector which included a 2 hour layover. Walking a fair distance from gate to gate, I noticed I was walking parallel with another guy who also had Vegas tags on his luggage. (Yes, I do actually notice things like that lol!) He must have noticed the same thing (or perhaps it was just my hottie hotness) because conversation ensued with a cheesy one liner "Going My Way?". We soon learned we were not actually heading to the same final end destination as I was heading on to Van and he to Calgary. To fill in the time between flights, I was invited to some Executive Club he belonged to at the airport for a drink and some appies. As neither one of us was appearing strange to each other so far, I thought what the hey.

So up we went to this "Members Only" lounge. This was definitely how it should be in between layovers: big comfy chairs, buffet spread, open bar, big screen TVs, soft music. Very Cool. But it was such a weird feeling. It felt like a date that I wasn't really on and with zero expectation. Neither one of us had to worry about making a good first impression because it really didn't matter. It was 2 hours. That's it. That's all.

Through all our small talk, I think I learned a lot more about him, than he about me. Must be my skilled interviewing techniques coupled with my not giving up any personal information paranoia. But then...the conversation turned. One question to me and I was on a roll. He just simply asked me about the watch I was wearing and if I picked it up in Vegas. It's nothing extraordinary, your basic silver bracelet type with the "Betty Boop" character on it. But the story that came along with it, literally left him squirming in his seat. I'm sure to this day he is wishing he never went there.

This is what I told him...

(Laughing) Ya, I picked it up at one of those kiosk places just for fun. It really has nothing much to do about the character of Betty Boop. It is just all about the Betty.

Now judging from his facial expression of utter confusion, I felt the need to keep on talking.

Well a few months back, I was puttering around at home, with the TV on for company. There was some show on in the background on women entrepreneurs. The guest was talking about how she founded some product for women. She had said she had been in Europe at a hair salon and had noticed that as other women were leaving, they were being given something extra on their way out the door in a little bag. Being curious, she inquired with the salon stylist what it was and was told it was extra hair dye for the women to use at home. Thinking it was for root touch ups, her further questions to the stylist taught her it was extra dye for the women to take home so the carpet could match the drapes. (You know...so their head hair could match "the hair down there".) Gasp. The stylist explained to her a lot of women as they age turn grey and they also turn grey "down there". Women being such vain creatures, like to look younger in both areas. How novel. And here I thought that's what razors are for haha - not that I am grey so let's get that straight lol.

A thrown in wink wink nudge nudge and airport buddy was enjoying the story. After all, here I am now talking about women's parts! Easy bait.

So continuing on, the woman after learning all this in Europe, comes back to the States and explores this further. She comes up with dyes using rosemary, comfrey, elder flower, cherry bark, aloe etc. but with pubic hair being coarse and wirey, ew, she had to find similar hair to test her dye on. Low and behold she finds out that the animal hair of a Yak is the closest and as luck would have it, there just happened to be a Yak farm on the outskirts of the city. Seriously!! (I don't know about you, but just saying the word Yak, makes me want to, well, Yak.) So after testing on the Yak hair, consulting with Va Jay Jay doctors and skin specialists, she did it! She came up with an environmentally safe product not tested on animals that colours the pubes and will not irritate the sensitive skin in the area. And because men seem to always have a name for their peni (lol is that plural for penis?), she named it "Betty" and developed the phrase "Is your Betty Ready?". BUT she didn't just stop there. She has a whole colour line... Black Betty (singing out loud Bam a lam), Blond Betty (so those wannabees can look more natural), Auburn Betty, and Brown Betty. She even has some funky wild colours, Fun Betty (hot pink), Sexy Betty (purple) and Lucky Betty (green). Cool eh?

So I'm telling this dude the story and how watching it made me laugh and really want to try it out for shits and giggles and was even thinking of having a Betty Party with some girlfriends. Tupperware is so last year. And then I say to him, "Can you just imagine...you are making out with a woman, and you go down on her and voila, she is hot pink down there! What would you think? Being a guy, do you think that would be fun? Do you think men would find that stimulating?"

Oh Dear! Back up the train! Am I for real? What have I done? Am I seriously having this conversation? Thinking I have some iota of how a man brain works, did I unintentionally first plant some kind of porn seed that me and a bunch of girlfriends were going to be having some kind of fashion party where we would be all dying our whowho's and strutting a rainbow of muffins AND did I just ask this guy a question by asking him to "visualize" having oral sex with a hot pink beaver and then ask him if he thinks he would enjoy it?

So I'm looking at him, giving my brain a chance to catch up to my mouth, wishing to the heavens, that he answers with something intellectual like "Nacho?" to shut me up, but no, he is speechless. He's sitting there, kind of twitching in his seat, doing the leg cross, uncross fidget thing, pulling at the knees of his jeans, making extra room in his crotch and I realize, OMG! All this Betty talk had given him a hard on! No wonder he can't talk. He has lost all blood flow from his brain!!

Think Wendy, think! Only one thing to do...looking at my Betty watch, I say "Oh my look at the time! I should get to my gate." Hoping he wouldn't stand up (and he didn't), I thanked him for the LAYover and left for my plane.

Once I got on my plane and I had time to digest what had just happened, I started giggling wondering if Betty came in blue to match the balls I just left him with. (BTW it does, it is called Malibu Betty.)

For those of you wondering...although those that know me well already know the answer...yes, my Betty Is Ready!!!

And for those of you who dare to have a colourful 2010, you can get it at most Chatter Hair Salons or through the Betty website at www.bettybeauty.com. And they have it for men too!

I definitely need one of those warning buttons, don't I? lol

Wishing you a wonderful and prosperous New Year filled with much love and laughter.

xo xo,

W.